Oh, hello there. You’ve stumbled upon the musings of a self-proclaimed genius (that’s me, by the way) who has somehow managed to survive 25years in the soul-sucking world of senior management consulting. That’s right—25 years of listening to executives drone on about “synergy” and “disruption” while I quietly sip my overpriced coffee and wonder how the hell these people got promoted. But hey, I’ve also saved companies a cool $50 million in cost savings, so I guess I’m doing something right. Or maybe everyone else is just doing something wrong. Let’s dive in, shall we?
Organizational Transformation: Because Change is Hard and People are Lazy
Ah, organizational transformation. The corporate equivalent of trying to teach a cat to fetch. You can throw all the buzzwords you want at it—“agile,” “digital-first,” “future-ready”—but at the end of the day, you’re still dealing with humans who would rather cling to their outdated processes than embrace something new. Why? Because change is hard, and people are lazy.
I’ve worked with over 700 companies (yes, 700—don’t @ me), and let me tell you, the biggest barrier to transformation isn’t technology or budget. It’s the middle manager who’s been doing the same job for 15 years and thinks Excel is the pinnacle of innovation. My job? To drag these organizations kicking and screaming into the 21st century. And by “drag,” I mean gently coax them with a mix of data, logic, and the occasional threat of obsolescence.
Culture Change: Because Your “Values” are a Joke
Let’s talk about culture change, shall we? You know, that thing every company claims to care about but only addresses when HR forces everyone to sit through a cringe-worthy diversity training video. Newsflash: plastering your “core values” on the office walls doesn’t make them true. If your culture is toxic, no amount of free kombucha or ping-pong tables is going to fix it.
I’ve seen it all—companies where leadership preaches “collaboration” but rewards cutthroat behavior, or organizations that tout “innovation” but punish anyone who dares to think outside the box. My approach? Call it like it is. If your culture is fcked, I’ll tell you. And then I’ll help you unfck it. It’s not rocket science, but it does require actual effort. Spoiler alert: most companies aren’t willing to put in the work.
Leadership: Because Apparently, Anyone Can Be a Leader Now
Leadership. Oh, where do I even begin? It seems like every Tom, Dick, and Harriet with a LinkedIn account thinks they’re a leader these days. But here’s the thing: being a leader isn’t about having a fancy title or a corner office. It’s about inspiring people, making tough decisions, and occasionally taking the blame when things go sideways (which they will, because life is chaos).
In my 30 years of experience, I’ve worked with leaders who were visionary, empathetic, and downright brilliant. I’ve also worked with leaders who couldn’t lead their way out of a paper bag. The difference? The good ones listen. The bad ones? They’re too busy mansplaining their “big ideas” to realize their team has already checked out. My advice? If you’re a leader, stop talking and start listening. And for the love of God, stop using the word “leverage” as a verb.
Strategy: Because Flying by the Seat of Your Pants is Not a Plan
Strategy. The word itself sounds important, doesn’t it? And yet, so many companies treat it like an afterthought. They’ll spend months (and millions) on a shiny new strategy, only to abandon it the second things get tough. Why? Because they didn’t actually think it through.
Here’s the deal: a good strategy isn’t just a PowerPoint deck filled with buzzwords and pie charts. It’s a roadmap—a clear, actionable plan that aligns with your goals and resources. And no, “do more with less” is not a strategy. It’s a cop-out. My job is to help companies cut through the noise and focus on what actually matters. And if that means telling the CEO their “vision” is delusional, so be it.
Efficiency: Because Waste is for Amateurs
Let’s end with efficiency, the holy grail of corporate success. Or at least it should be. But somehow, companies still manage to waste time, money, and resources like it’s going out of style. I’ve seen organizations with more redundant processes than a government agency, and leaders who think throwing money at a problem will make it go away. Spoiler alert: it won’t.
My approach to efficiency is simple: cut the crap. Literally. If a process doesn’t add value, get rid of it. If a team isn’t pulling its weight, fix it. And if your budget is bloated, trim it. It’s not rocket science, but it does require a spine. And let’s be honest, most executives would rather stick their head in the sand than make the tough calls.
Final Thoughts: Because I’m Out of Patience
So there you have it—my unfiltered take on organizational transformation, culture change, leadership, strategy, and efficiency. If you’re still reading, congratulations. You’re one of the few who actually gives a sh*t. And if you’re not? Well, I guess you’re part of the problem.
But hey, what do I know? I’m just a highly educated, well-read consultant with 25 years of experience and $50 million in cost savings under my belt. Clearly, I’m the one who’s out of touch.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a conference call with a CEO who thinks “blockchain” is the answer to all his problems. Wish me luck. Or better yet, send whiskey.
Cheers,
Dean Palmiere
Senior Management Consultant, Organizational Whisperer, and Professional Bullsh*t Slayer
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